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The diagram below shows how peanut butter is made.

The diagram below shows how peanut butter is made. 08Pn
The sophisticated processes of making peanut butter from harvesting the peanuts to packaging the product into the jar are in the diagram. As is observed, there are eight steps in the processes of producing peanut butter, those are started from harvesting, shelling, roasting, cooling, blanching and grinding. The first step, peanuts which have been harvested, will be shelled one by one before entering roasting process. After the shells are removed from the nut and discarded, the next process is roasting in large machines to cook them. Afterwards, the cooling process will be started by declining the temperature of peanuts. Then, the nuts which have been cooled, will enter the blanching step in order to kill bacteria and also makes it easier to detach the skins of nutshell. Following this, the nuts pass through rubber rollers which removes the skin so that they are ready to be grinded. The peanuts will be ground twice. Before entering (being undertaken) the second grind process, the peanuts will be mixed with 2% salt, dextrose, and oil mixed. Finally, peanut butter is ready to be packed in jars and ready for sale.
The sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processes
of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanut
butter from harvesting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanuts
to packaging the product into the jar are in the diagram. As
is observed
, there are eight steps in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processes
of producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanut
butter, those are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from harvesting, shelling, roasting, cooling, blanching and grinding.

The
first
step,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanuts
which have
been harvested
, will
be shelled
one by one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering roasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
. After the shells
are removed
from the nut and discarded, the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
is roasting in large machines to cook them. Afterwards, the cooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by declining the temperature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanuts
. Then, the nuts which have
been cooled
, will enter the blanching step in order to kill bacteria and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to detach the skins of nutshell. Following this, the nuts pass through rubber rollers which removes the skin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are ready to be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "ground", the past tense form of the verb 'grind'?
grinded
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanuts
will
be ground
twice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
entering (being undertaken) the second grind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanuts
will
be mixed
with 2% salt, dextrose, and oil mixed.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peanut
butter is ready to
be packed
in jars and ready for sale.
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IELTS academic The diagram below shows how peanut butter is made.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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