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Expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010

Expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010 78Q3
The chart provides an illustration of money spent by The UK and France on 5 consumer products (namely Cars, Computer, Books, Perfumes and Cameras )in the year 2010. All the expenses are measuredin Pound Sterling. Overall, The UK spent more money on consumer goods than France. Both The British and the French peoplespent most of their money on cars whereas the least amount of money was spent on Perfume by the UK compared to Cameras by France. Furthermore, the most significant difference in expenditure between these 2 countries was on Camera. In terms of cars, people in the UK spent around $450000 on this as opposed to the French at $400000. Similarly, British expenditure was higher for Books than French (around $400000 and $300000 respectively). In the UK, expenditure on the Camera (just over $350000) was over double that of France, which was $150000. On the other hand, the amount of money paid out on the remaining goods was higher in France. Above $350000 was spent by the French on Computer which was slightly more than the British who spent exactly $350000. Neither of the countries spent much on perfume which accounted for $200000 of expenditure in France but under $150000 in the UK.
The chart provides an illustration of
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money
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spent
by The UK and France on 5 consumer products (
namely
Cars, Computer, Books, Perfumes and Cameras
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)
in the year 2010. All the expenses are
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measuredin
Pound Sterling.

Overall
, The UK
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spent
more
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money
on consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
than France. Both The British and the French
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peoplespent
most of their
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money
on cars whereas the least amount of
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money
was
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spent
on Perfume by the UK compared to Cameras by France.
Furthermore
, the most significant difference in
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expenditure
between these 2 countries was on Camera.

In terms of cars,
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people
in the UK
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spent
around $450000 on this as opposed to the French at $400000.
Similarly
, British
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expenditure
was higher for Books than French (around $400000 and $300000
respectively
). In the UK,
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expenditure
on the Camera (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over $350000) was over double that of France, which was $150000.

On the other hand
, the amount of
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money
paid out on the remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
was higher in France. Above $350000 was
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spent
by the French on Computer which was
slightly
more than the British who
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spent
exactly $350000. Neither of the countries
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spent
much on perfume which accounted for $200000 of
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expenditure
in France
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under $150000 in the UK.
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IELTS academic Expenditure of 2 countries on consumer goods in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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