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The diagram below show the manufacturing process for making sugar form sugar cane.

The diagram below show the manufacturing process for making sugar form sugar cane. nxyXg
The diagram illustrate the manufacturing process for produce sugar from sugar cane. Overal, it is noticeable that there are seven process for producing the sugar from sugar cane which is started with growing and ended with drying and cooling. Firstly, the process of making sugar from sugarcane started with the growing the sugarcanes. It tools 12-18months to grow up. Secondly after completing the 18monthd framer will saw down the sugarcane and gather it. Thirdly, they will squeeze the sugarcane in the machine. On the other hand, After crushing the sugarcane it product juice but the juice will be not pure so, it kept in the limestone filter to purify the juice. Moreover, juice will be kept in the heat to evaporate to make juice syrup. After evaporate the juice it place into a rotating container machine typically which separate sugar crystals from syrup. Lastely it kept into sugar drying machine which helps to cool the sugar and finally sugar will be ready.
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the manufacturing process for produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
cane.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Overal
, it is noticeable that there are seven process for producing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
cane which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with growing and ended with drying and cooling.
Firstly
, the process of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
from sugarcane
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the growing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sugarcanes
. It tools 12-18months to grow up.
Secondly
after completing the 18monthd framer will
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
saw
down the sugarcane and gather it.
Thirdly
, they will squeeze the sugarcane in the machine.
On the other hand
, After crushing the sugarcane
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
will be not pure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the limestone filter to purify the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the heat to evaporate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
syrup.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
evaporate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
juice
it
Did you mean "places"?
place
into a rotating container machine
typically
which separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
crystals from syrup.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lastely
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
drying machine which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to cool the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and
finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
will be ready.

IELTS academic The diagram below show the manufacturing process for making sugar form sugar cane.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
162 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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