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the diagram below shoe the changes that have taken place at west park secondary school since its construction in 1950

The diagram illustrates the West Park Secondary School and the changes made to the school since its construction in 1950. The changes were made through the years 1950-2010. The school was located on the right side of the main road with a playground right behind it in the year 1950. There were three houses right beside the school. The farmland was behind the houses, right next to playground. Meanwhile, we can see a drastic change in the year 1980 where the school building is located at the same place but has an additional science block and a car parking next to it which were houses before. Then we see that the Farmland is changed to a sports filed. Also the playground has no changes. In the year 2010, there are some more changes made. The car parking area has been increased in size and it covered the sports field. Whereas the playgrond is still at the same location but with a small area and a small sports field next to it.
The diagram illustrates the West Park Secondary
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School
and the
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changes
made to the
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school
since its construction in 1950. The
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changes
were made
through the years 1950-2010. The
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school
was located
on the
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right
side of the main road with a playground
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right
behind it in the
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year
1950. There were three
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
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right
beside the
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school
. The farmland was behind the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
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right
next
to playground. Meanwhile, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a drastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1980 where the
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school
building
is located
at the same place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has an additional science block and a car parking
next
to it which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Then we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the Farmland is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to
The plural noun “sports” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a sport” or “sports”?
a sports
filed.
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Also
the playground has no
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changes
. In the
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year
2010, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more
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changes
made. The car parking area has
been increased
in
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
size and
it covered the sports field. Whereas the
Possible spelling mistake found.
playgrond
is
still
at the same location
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
area and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
sports field
next
to it.

IELTS academic the diagram below shoe the changes that have taken place at west park secondary school since its construction in 1950

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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