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The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the national university in the year 1990,2000,2010

The given pie charts illustrate the information about the four different degrees that awarded to the students at the national university in three facades, commencing from 1990 till 2010. To commence, while the figure for computer science in 1990 was recorded to be 30% of graduates from national university. Comparing the proportion of graduates were from computer science degree in 2000 and 2010 the difference was only 5 %. The maximum proportion of graduates were from medicine in 2000 was mentioned to be 30 %. It is interesting to noticed that the proportion of medicine degree in 1990 and 2010 was exactly same at 25 %. While the figure for maximum proportion of business graduates in 1990 was recorded to be 30 %. Comparing the proportion of business degree were granted by national university in 2000 and 2010 the difference was only 5 %. While the Percentage of law degree was the lowest with 10 % in 2000 year. It is interesting to noticed that the proportion of law degree in 1990 and 2010 was exactly equal at 15 %.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the information about the four
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different
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degrees
that awarded to the students at the national university in three facades, commencing from 1990 till 2010. To commence, while the figure for computer science in 1990
was recorded
to be 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
from national university. Comparing the
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proportion
of
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graduates
were from computer science
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degree
in 2000 and 2010 the difference was
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only
5 %. The maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
were from medicine in 2000
was mentioned
to be 30 %. It is interesting to noticed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of medicine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in 1990 and 2010 was exactly same at 25 %. While the figure for maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in 1990
was recorded
to be 30 %. Comparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
were granted
by national university in 2000 and 2010 the difference was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 %.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the Percentage of law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
was the lowest with 10 % in 2000 year. It is interesting to noticed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
in 1990 and 2010 was exactly equal at 15 %.
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IELTS academic The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the national university in the year 1990, 2000, 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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