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The crimes rate will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The crimes rate will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. 1VGW7
In the history of mankind, possibly no century witnessed more progress in technology than the 21st century did. It is argued that the offender rate will decline due to the development of technology. As far as I am concerned, I partly agree with this idea. On the one hand, technology plays an important role in identifying culprits in criminal situations. There are many high-tech devices such as video cameras, face and fingerprint recognition machines. To put it in another way, this makes it easier to find offenders. To illustrate, video camera systems being all the rage are installed on almost all roads and avenues; therefore, if any criminal situations occur, looking for people who engage in criminal activities becomes more quickly and easily. On the other hand, although there is no denying the great benefit of technology in catching criminals, numerous reasons are showing the detection of crimes does not depend on technology. First of all, training police staff and service dogs were improved in terms of quality. It means that the professional qualifications of policemen have enough in finding crimes. Secondly, economic growth coincides with a higher quality of life, therefore people are aware of crimes and have certain knowledge to avoid problems related to delinquency. In other words, this makes a contribution to prevent a lot of crime. In conclusion, there are many reasons for the fall in the number of offenders. However, in my opinion, technology has great contributions in decreasing criminals percentages and helping police forces to complete their mission more quickly.
In the history of mankind,
possibly
no century witnessed more progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
than the 21st century did. It
is argued
that the offender rate will decline due to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. As far as I
am concerned
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in identifying culprits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
situations. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high-tech devices such as video cameras, face and fingerprint recognition machines. To put it in another way, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to find offenders. To illustrate, video camera systems being all the rage
are installed
on almost all roads and avenues;
therefore
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
situations occur, looking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities becomes more
quickly
and
easily
.

On the other hand
, although there is no denying the great benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in catching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, numerous reasons are showing the detection of crimes does not depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, training police staff and service dogs were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in terms of quality. It means that the professional qualifications of policemen have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in finding crimes.
Secondly
, economic growth coincides with a higher quality of life,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are aware of crimes and have certain knowledge to avoid problems related to delinquency.
In other words
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a contribution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
crime.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for the fall in the number of offenders.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has great contributions in decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
percentages and helping police forces to complete their mission more
quickly
.

IELTS academic The crimes rate will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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