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The crime rates in 5 countries

The crime rates in 5 countries 2PRPX
This bar illustrates the crime rate levels in five different countries (England, America, Europe, China and Japan) between 2010 to 2020. Overall, America is the highest level of crime rate and unstable country in 2010 to 2015. Comparatively, England is steadily increased during the period of 2012 to 2017 while China is rapidly increased in the same time. Furthermore, Japan is the lowest crime rate in the beginning. However, it has overtaken the other countries since 2016 whilst other countries' crime rates are climbing up. In summary, it is up to 50% high level of insecure and unsafe occur in America and China in the past decade.
This bar illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
levels in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries (England, America, Europe, China and Japan)
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2010 and 2020".
between 2010 to 2020
.

Overall
, America is the highest level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and unstable country in 2010 to 2015.
Comparatively
, England is
steadily
increased during the period of 2012 to 2017 while China is
rapidly
increased in the same time.

Furthermore
, Japan is the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the beginning.
However
, it has overtaken the other countries since 2016 whilst other countries'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
are climbing up.

In summary, it is up to 50% high level of insecure and unsafe occur in America and China in the past decade.

IELTS academic The crime rates in 5 countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
107 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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