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the comparison of physical activity percentage that had been done routinely by Australian men and women in 2010

the comparison of physical activity percentage that had been done routinely by Australian men and women in 2010 gG5O7
The diagram represented below illustrates the comparison of physical activity percentage that had been done routinely by Australian men and women in 2010. Based on that chart, the quantity of men aged 15-24 year old who were doing exercise regularly is higher rather than the women with the same age. However, in the other age groups, women tend to be a group which had a great conciousness about the regular physical activity urgency. Furthermore, the women aged 35-44 year old had a considerable percentage difference with the men at the same age. Interestingly, the men in Australia may had been realized about the important point of doing physical exercise when their age started to increase. This could be seen on how the men’s trend on physical activity escalated on each of age periods. Subsequently, this made the percentage of them to have an exercise was just slightly different with whom the women had.
The diagram represented below illustrates the comparison of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity percentage that had
been done
routinely
by Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 2010.

Based on that chart, the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
aged 15-24 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
who were doing exercise
regularly
is higher
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
However
, in the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
tend to be a group which had a great
Possible spelling mistake found.
conciousness
about the regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity urgency.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
aged 35-44 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
had a considerable percentage difference with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
Interestingly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in Australia may had
been realized
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase. This could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
trend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity escalated on each of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
periods.
Subsequently
, this made the percentage of them to have an exercise was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with whom the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had.
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IELTS academic the comparison of physical activity percentage that had been done routinely by Australian men and women in 2010

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
153 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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