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The charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in northern ireland.

The charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in northern ireland. NM1ry
The three pie charts compare the percentage of money is expenditure on music across different music sectors in Northern Ireland in the years 2005, 2008, and 2011. For four of the sectors, it is evident that over the time frame there was significant change in their proportion of music. At 61%, we can see that the CD sector accounted for the majority of money spend in 2005, but this percentage had dropped to 41% and 26% by 2011. Across the same three- year period, as an increasing number of people chose to purchase digital download we can see that distribution of money went from just 6% to 25% and 43 by 2011, making it the music sectors with the highest overall contributed money. In 2005, the concert boasted an impressive 31% of total spent money in Northern Ireland. However, by 2011 the figure had fallen considerably to 28%. Interestingly, other sources eventually constant across the three year it just (2%) and (3%) respectively.
The three pie charts compare the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is expenditure on music across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
in Northern Ireland in the years 2005, 2008, and 2011. For four of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, it is evident that over the time frame there was significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their proportion of music.

At 61%, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
accounted for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spend in 2005,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this percentage had dropped to 41% and 26% by 2011. Across the same three- year period, as an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
digital download we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
went from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
6% to 25% and 43 by 2011, making it the music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
with the highest
overall
contributed money.

In 2005, the concert boasted an impressive 31% of total spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in Northern Ireland.
However
, by 2011 the figure had fallen
considerably
to 28%.
Interestingly
, other sources
eventually
constant across the three year it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
(2%) and (3%)
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in northern ireland.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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