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Percentages of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions between the years 1980 and 2010.

Percentages of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions between the years 1980 and 2010. wxpel
Information regarding the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions namely, Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival throughout the period of 3 decades between 1980 and 2010 is manifested in the line graph provided. In general, the most well- know entertainment was Pavilion while Pier desirability showed a much lower level than others. More specifically, a number of people who chose Pavilion diversion, it started at nearly 20% In 1995 there was a significant rise with almost a half. Subsequently, this figure declined until reaching less than a third in 2010. In terms of Festival seduction, it encountered roughly the same level with Pavilion over whole period. A As for Pier and Art Gallery, they witnessed similar degrees. The former with one in ten, while the latter with almost a fifth in 1980. Afterwards, Art Gallery's fans number rocked to about 37% and underwent steadily diminish with 19 %. Then, there was gradually reduction until gaining less than 10%. During that period, Pier entertainment had only fluctuations among 10%, 20%, respectively. Likewisein 2005, it crossed with Art Gallery and continued to escalate to more than a fifth in 2010.
Information regarding the percentage of tourists to England who visited four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attractions
namely
,
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Art
Gallery,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pavilion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pier
and Festival throughout the period of 3 decades between 1980 and 2010
is manifested
in the line graph provided.
In general
, the most well- know entertainment was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pavilion
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pier
desirability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a much lower level than others. More
specifically
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who chose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pavilion
diversion, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
nearly
20% In 1995 there was a significant rise with almost a half.
Subsequently
, this figure declined until reaching less than a third in 2010. In terms of Festival seduction, it encountered roughly the same level with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pavilion
over whole period.
Use "An" instead of 'A' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
A
As for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pier
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
Gallery, they witnessed similar degrees. The former with one in ten, while the latter with almost a fifth in 1980. Afterwards,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
Gallery's fans number rocked to about 37% and underwent
steadily
diminish with 19 %. Then, there was
gradually
reduction until gaining less than 10%. During that period,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pier
entertainment had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fluctuations among 10%, 20%,
respectively
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Likewisein
2005, it crossed with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
Gallery and continued to escalate to more than a fifth in 2010.
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IELTS academic Percentages of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions between the years 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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