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The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. eY5J
The two charts illustrates the tourism to Australia and Germany over a 50 years. Overall, in sigficiant Australia had more than 50% of the tourism to Europe and least to Asia, which is 10% in the year 1960. In the year 2010 Asia rose to 63% and USA had a down period. Upon comparing with Australia, Germany tourism to Europe is 45% which is 5% less and, Asia stands the same 10%. Asia gradually increased in the percentage to 25% in the year 2010. On the other hand, in the year 1960 Austraila tourism to Bratin and USA has recorded 25% and 12%, Britain and USA shows slight downward trend in 2010, which provided 20% and 7%. Likewise, Over 50 years period Germany tourism to USA has increased to 3% more between 1960 and 2010. Precentage of tourism to Britian has dramatically decreased to 6% over 50 years. To sum up, toursim to Asia for two countries has significant changed ( rose )over 50 years from 1960-210.
The two charts illustrates the
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tourism
to Australia and Germany
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over
a 50 years.

Overall
, in
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sigficiant
Australia had more than 50% of the
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tourism
to Europe and least to Asia, which is 10% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1960. In the
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year


2010 Asia rose to 63% and USA had a down period. Upon comparing with Australia, Germany
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tourism
to Europe is 45% which is 5% less and, Asia stands the same 10%. Asia
gradually
increased in the percentage to 25% in the
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year
2010.

On the other hand
, in the
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year
1960
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Austraila
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tourism
to
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Bratin
and USA has recorded 25% and 12%, Britain and USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
slight downward trend in 2010, which provided 20% and 7%.
Likewise
,
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Over
50 years period Germany
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tourism
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
has increased to 3% more between 1960 and 2010.
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Precentage
of
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tourism
to
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Britian
has
dramatically
decreased to 6%
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over
50 years.

To sum up,
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toursim
to Asia for two countries has significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
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(
rose
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)over
50 years from 1960-210.
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IELTS academic The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
167 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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