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The charts illustrate the works, excluding the full-time jobs, that were pursued by the graduate and postgraduate students after finishing the college in 2008.

The charts illustrate the works, excluding the full-time jobs, that were pursued by the graduate and postgraduate students after finishing the college in 2008. aw0EV
The charts illustrate the works, excluding the full-time jobs, that were pursued by the graduate and postgraduate students after finishing the college in 2008. Overall, total number of graduate pupils was significantly higher than postgraduate ones’ in 2008. Additionally, the preferred methods of working, in terms of proportions, followed a similar pattern. Further study was preffered over the part-time work. This is followed by the unemployement and the least chosen one was the voluntary work. Firstly, graduates who invested themselves into further study accounted for approximately 30 thousand people. Part-time workers and unemployed ones were almost half of it; moreover, there were 17. 735 and 16. 235 people, respectively. On top of that, graduates who opted to work for free was a rather tinier group of 3. 500 people, compared to the other groups. The amount of the postgraduates who preferred to study further and attend a part-time job were very close. The former was 2. 725 and the latter was slightly higher than 2. 500. In addition to that, category of those who did not commence to work made up of 1. 625 people. Voluntary jobs were almost one-fifth of the previous group.
The charts illustrate the works, excluding the full-time jobs, that
were pursued
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
and postgraduate students after finishing the college in 2008.

Overall
, total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
pupils was
significantly
higher than postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones’
in 2008.
Additionally
, the preferred methods of working, in terms of proportions, followed a similar pattern.
Further
study was
Possible spelling mistake found.
preffered
over the part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
is followed
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
and the least chosen one was the voluntary work.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
invested themselves into
further
study accounted for approximately 30 thousand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Part-time workers and unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
were almost half of it;
moreover
, there were 17. 735 and 16. 235
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
respectively
.
On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
opted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for free was a
rather
tinier group of 3. 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, compared to the other groups.

The amount of the postgraduates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
preferred to study
further
and attend a part-time job were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close. The former was 2. 725 and the latter was
slightly
higher than 2. 500.
In addition
to that, category of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did not commence to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
made up of 1. 625
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Voluntary jobs were almost one-fifth of the previous group.
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IELTS academic The charts illustrate the works, excluding the full-time jobs, that were pursued by the graduate and postgraduate students after finishing the college in 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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