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The charts highlight various reasons behind the education of students

The charts highlight various reasons behind the education of students G9Gae
The charts highlight various reasons behind the education of students of different age groups and how much their employers support them for the same. First bar graph indicates that pupils study majorly either for career or out of interest. Second bar graph explains the incentive they receive from their bosses both economical and time off from work. Majority of people study from 26-39 prefer to get educated further for career and inclination to read for career subsides with increasing age and old people over 49 do so more of personal interest. It is notable that people who study out of interest increase with age and is equal to people who read for career in the group of age 40-49. It is interesting to observe the employers initiative to help employee in their studies which peaks in youngest under 26 group and decreases further till 30-39 group after which it upticks slowly again. Lowest support from employer occurs in 30-39 aged employees who read for career more than interest. eldest group of over 49 read for interest even though they receive some help from employer.
The charts highlight various reasons behind the education of students of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and how much their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
support them for the same.
First
bar graph indicates that pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
majorly
either for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
or out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. Second bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the incentive they receive from their bosses both economical and time off from work.

Majority of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from 26-39 prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated
further
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and inclination to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
subsides with increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
over 49 do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. It is notable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
increase with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and is equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
40-49.

It is interesting to observe the
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employers
initiative to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
employee in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
which peaks in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the youngest".
youngest
under 26
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group
and decreases
further
till 30-39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
after which
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it upticks
slowly
again.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Lowest".
Lowest
support from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
occurs in 30-39 aged employees who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the eldest".
eldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of over 49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
even though
they receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
.
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IELTS academic The charts highlight various reasons behind the education of students

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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