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different leisure activities favoured by Canadian boys and girls.

different leisure activities favoured by Canadian boys and girls. rGNlo
The graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian boys and girls who participate in four different leisure activities. Over the leisure activities, Canadian boys are much more interested in shopping than all other activities while females are steadily increased from sports to music and suddenly dropped in shopping. Canadian boys 27% involved in sports and gradually decreased to 18% in computer games whereas only 12% of girls interested in sports and increased to 15% in computer games while girls and boys are equally interested in music. Boy's are highly interested in shopping than other three different leisure activities who is jumped suddenly from 19% music to 34% in shopping whereas only 6% females participated in shopping which is very least over the four leisure activities. The Percentage of boys' participation in different activities is not constant while the percentage of girls' participation increased gradually. Male teenagers' participation increased from computer games to music by 1% and 15% huge increase in shopping.
The graph illustrates the percentage of Canadian
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boys
and girls who participate in four
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different
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leisure
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activities
. Over the
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leisure
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activities
, Canadian
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boys
are much more
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interested
in
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shopping
than all other
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activities
while females are
steadily
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increased
from sports to
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music
and
suddenly
dropped in
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shopping
. Canadian
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boys
27% involved in sports and
gradually
decreased to 18% in computer games whereas
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only
12% of girls
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interested
in sports and
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increased
to 15% in computer games while girls and
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boys
are
equally
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interested
in
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music
.
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Boy's
are
highly
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interested
in
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shopping
than other three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
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activities
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'activities' should be used.
is
jumped
suddenly
from 19%
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music
to 34% in
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shopping
whereas
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only
6% females participated in
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shopping
which is
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very
least over the four
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leisure
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activities
. The Percentage of boys' participation in
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different
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activities
is not constant while the percentage of girls' participation
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increased
gradually
. Male
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teenagers
' participation
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increased
from computer games to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
by 1% and 15% huge increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
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IELTS academic different leisure activities favoured by Canadian boys and girls.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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