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The charts give information about the destinations of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not get a full-time job after finishing studies in 2008.

The charts give information about the destinations of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not get a full-time job after finishing studies in 2008. padP9
The charts give information about the destinations of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not get a full-time job after finishing their studies in 2008. As can be seen from the charts, most graduate students made a foray into the further study after leaving college, and so did the majority of postgraduate students. Whereas, the minority of those two types of students were involved in voluntary work. In 2008, nearly 30 000 graduate students went on to further their education. Besides, the number of students who got part-time work or were out of work was lower, with roughly 18 000 and 16 300 respectively. The figure for who has voluntary work was just 3 500. The data recorded of postgraduate students was approximately 10 times lower than that of graduate students in every destination, with no change in ranking. Studying further was still the destination which most students opt for, with about 2 700, followed by 2 500 and 1 625 for part-time work and unemployment. There were only 350 students who choose voluntary work after ending postgraduate.
The charts give information about the destinations of UK
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graduate
and
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postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
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who
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a full-time job after finishing their studies in 2008.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the charts, most
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graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
made a foray into the
further
study after leaving college, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
did the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the minority of those two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were involved
in voluntary work.

In 2008,
nearly
30 000
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graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
went on to
further
their education.
Besides
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or were out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was lower, with roughly 18 000 and 16 300
respectively
. The figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
3 500.

The data recorded of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was approximately 10 times lower than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in every destination, with no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in ranking. Studying
further
was
still
the destination which most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt for, with about 2 700, followed by 2 500 and 1 625 for part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and unemployment. There were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
350
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after ending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduate
.
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IELTS academic The charts give information about the destinations of UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not get a full-time job after finishing studies in 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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