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The charts below shows the intakes taken by average person in the USA in his every meal in one day

The charts below shows the intakes taken by average person in the USA in his every meal in one day j8G9d
The given pie charts demonstrates ratio of daily intake of different nutrients which are consumed by average individual in his cuisine and snacks, in a particular country. Analysing the overall details, it can be seen that individuals of USA consumes sodium mostly in dinner and added sugar in snacks. To initiate with, it is crystal lucid from pie chart that roughly half a proportion of sodium is included in dinner and fourteen percent of sodium consists in breakfast as well as in snacks. Whereas, in lunch sodium includes is just over a quarter by average person in the USA. Furthermore, saturated fat is just over one quarter in lunch of average person and it includes in the dinner and breakfast in the ratio of thirty seven and sixteen respectively. Besides this, In the snacks, saturated fat is consumed by average folk who reside in the USA, in the proportion of around one quarter. Describing the remaining information, added sugar is consumed in forty two per cent in the snacks and sixteen percent of added sugar includes in breakfast of average person in the USA. What is more, one quarter proportion of added sugar includes in dinner. The lunch taken by an average person consists nineteen percent of added sugar.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts demonstrates ratio of daily intake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nutrients which
are consumed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
individual in his cuisine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
, in a particular country.

Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
the
overall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that individuals
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
consumes sodium
mostly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in snacks.

To initiate with, it is crystal lucid from pie chart that roughly half a proportion of sodium
is included
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
and fourteen percent of sodium consists in breakfast
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, in lunch sodium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
includes
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over a quarter by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the USA.
Furthermore
, saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one quarter in lunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
includes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
and breakfast in the ratio of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
thirty seven
and sixteen
respectively
.
Besides
this, In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
, saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
is consumed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
folk who reside in the USA, in the proportion of around one quarter.

Describing the remaining information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is consumed
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
forty two
per cent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
and sixteen percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
includes
in breakfast of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the USA.
What is more
, one quarter proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
includes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
. The lunch taken by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
consists nineteen percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
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IELTS academic The charts below shows the intakes taken by average person in the USA in his every meal in one day

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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