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The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010. J8oe
The pie charts illustrate electricity consumption by various fields in Eastern Australia in two year 2007 and 2010. It is clear that the consumption of electricity from those sectors remained unchanged except for Aluminium, Manufacturing and Other metal fields over the period shown. Additionally, the figures for residential and commercial sectors were by far largest. In 2007, residential areas consumed 28% of total electricity, while 23% of electricity was consumed for conmmercial purposes. There was 13% of electricity consumed by manufacturing and aluminium sector each, whereas the figures for other metals and mining were slightly lower, at 12% and 9% respectively. By contrast, electricity consumption from transport and agriculture made up only negligible figures. In 2010, while the percentage of electricity consumed by other metals rose significantly by 6%, those of aluminum and manufacturing fields saw a slight fall to 11% and 9% respectively. Interesting, the proportions of electricity consumed by the other sectors were all as similar as initial figures.
The pie charts illustrate
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electricity
consumption by various fields in Eastern Australia in two year 2007 and 2010.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the consumption of
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electricity
from those
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sectors
remained unchanged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Possible spelling mistake. 'Aluminium' is British English.
Aluminium
, Manufacturing and
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Other
metal fields over the period shown.
Additionally
, the figures for residential and commercial
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sectors
were by far largest.

In 2007, residential areas
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consumed
28% of total
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electricity
, while 23% of
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electricity
was
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consumed
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
conmmercial
purposes. There was 13% of
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electricity
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consumed
by manufacturing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
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sector
each, whereas the figures for
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other
metals and mining were
slightly
lower, at 12% and 9%
respectively
. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
consumption from transport and agriculture made up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
negligible figures.

In 2010, while the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
by
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other
metals rose
significantly
by 6%, those of aluminum and manufacturing fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight fall to 11% and 9%
respectively
. Interesting, the proportions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were all as similar as initial figures.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of electricity consumed by different sectors in Eastern Australia in 2007 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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