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The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers. 1lwq
The given bar graph depicts the information about why different age pupils do study and the support they get from their employers. Overall, the highest ratio of the students under age 26 study for their career and the majority of older people study due to their interest. It is clear from the graph that, 80 people under the age of 26 do study for their career while only 10 percent of them continue study for their interest. Moreover, from the age 26 to 29 exact 80 people study to built-up their career and less than 20 study for their interest. The age of the student between 30 and 39 have highest ratio who study for their career and less number of people study for their interest. Moving further, for the age group 40 to 49, the number of student who study for their career and the number of people study for interest is the same. Therefore, 70 people who are over 49 years continue their education for interest. Whereas, near about 20 people gain education to bright their career.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the information about why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
pupils do
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study
and the support they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their employers.

Overall
, the highest ratio of the students under
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age
26
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study
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and the majority of older
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
due to their interest.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that, 80
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people
under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 26 do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 percent of them continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
Moreover
, from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
26 to 29 exact 80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to built-up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and less than 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of the student between 30 and 39 have
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ratio who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and less number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their interest.

Moving
further
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group 40 to 49, the number of student who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is the same.
Therefore
, 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are over 49 years continue their education for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, near about 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
gain education to bright their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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