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The chart shows the unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

The chart shows the unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012. 0QK3
The chart illustrates the percentage of people who are not working in Australia in four quarters in the year 2012. Overall, it is clear that unemployement rate is higher in rural areas, although the percentages became equal at the end of the year. In the first quarter of 2012, the unwaged persons recorded almost 6. 5% which is the highest in rural areas, while in urban areas it is around 2%. There is a gradual decrease in rural areas and stops at about 4. 5% in second quarter of the year, whereas the rates doubled in rural areas. During second half, there are fluctuations of around 4. 5% to 5. 5% and reaches to 5% to finish the year. On the other hand, in urban areas the rates are declined to almost 2% prior to jumping into 4% during third quarter period and again to an approximate of 5% at the end of the year.
The chart illustrates the percentage of
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people
who are not working in Australia in four
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quarters
in the
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year
2012.
Overall
, it is
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clear
that
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unemployement
rate is higher in
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rural
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areas
, although the percentages became equal at the
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end
of the
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year
. In the
first
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quarter
of 2012, the unwaged persons recorded almost 6. 5% which is the highest in
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rural
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areas
, while in urban
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areas
it is around 2%. There is a gradual decrease in
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rural
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areas
and
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stops
at about 4. 5% in second
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quarter
of the
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year
, whereas the rates doubled in
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. During second half, there are fluctuations of around 4. 5% to 5. 5% and reaches to 5% to finish the
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year
.
On the other hand
, in urban
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areas
the rates
are declined
to almost 2% prior to jumping into 4% during third
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quarter
period and again to
The phrase 'an approximate of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an approximate of
5% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.

IELTS academic The chart shows the unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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