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The chart shows the proportion of young people in the great britain, the USA, Germany and France.

The chart shows the proportion of young people in the great britain, the USA, Germany and France. ELymB
The chart shows the proportion of young people in the great britain, the USA, Germany and France. From the chart, we can see that car used in the great britain and USA is about the same, at 60%. Meanwhile, in Germany the proportion is only 40%. Unlike Germany, the proportion of car travel in France is almost double that of Germany, reaching 70%. We found that cars are the most common mode of transport in all countries except Germany. Motorcycle was the least popular type of transport in all countries, except for the USA. In USA, the proportion of traveling by bicycle reaches 30%, but in other countries such as great britain, Germany and France, the proportion is very low, only about 10% to 20%. In which, England and France have the same proportion. In the great britain and Germany, cycling rates are quite high, reaching between 30% and 43%. In Germany, the proportion of people choosing cars and bicycles is about the same. while in the USA and France only 10% to 15%, only a very small amount compared to the rest of the countries. Overall, car is the most chosen transport, bicycle is on the second place and motorcycle is the least chosen transport.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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proportion
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great britain"
great britain
, the USA, Germany and France.

From the chart, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
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car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great britain"
great britain
and USA is about the same, at 60%. Meanwhile, in Germany the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
40%. Unlike Germany, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
travel in France is almost double that of Germany, reaching 70%. We found that
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cars
are the most common mode of
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transport
in all countries except Germany.

Motorcycle was the least popular type of
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transport
in all countries,
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except for
the USA.
A determiner is probably missing here: "In the USA".
In USA
, the
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proportion
of traveling by bicycle reaches 30%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in other countries such as
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great britain"
great britain
, Germany and France, the
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proportion
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low,
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only
about 10% to 20%. In which, England and France have the same proportion.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Great britain"
great britain
and Germany, cycling rates are quite high, reaching between 30% and 43%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Germany, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and bicycles is about the same.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
in the USA and France
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only
10% to 15%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount compared to the rest of the countries.

Overall
,
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car
is the most chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
, bicycle is on the second place and motorcycle is the least chosen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the proportion of young people in the great britain, the USA, Germany and France.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
206 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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