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The chart shows the percentage of men and women employed in executive position in ACME Oil Company in 1995

The chart shows the percentage of men and women employed in executive position in ACME Oil Company in 1995 7J79X
The bar chart visualize difference between male and female employed in executive position in ACME Oil Company in 1995. Overall, there is an up-rise trend in women employment from category A to E where men employment is going down. Men are most employed in category A then women where women are seen to employed in category E. In category A the percentage of male executive employee is 90 which is the highest amount while female executive employee has minimum percentage which is 10. On the other hand, in category E the percentage of male executive is the lowest around 35 and the percentage of female executive is the most around 80. In rest of those categories, the percentages of male executive are declining in opposite to the percentages of female executive which is rising. Around 85, 60 and 55 percentages are held by male executive and around 35, 40 and 55 percentages are held by female executive in categories B, C and D respectively.
The bar chart visualize difference between male and
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female
employed in
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executive
position in ACME Oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
in 1995.

Overall
, there is an up-rise trend in women employment from
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category
A to E where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
employment is going down.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
are most employed in
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category
A then women where women are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to employed in
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category
E.

In
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category
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "A" or "the" is left.
A the
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percentage
of male
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executive
employee is 90 which is the highest amount while
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executive
employee has minimum
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percentage
which is 10.
On the other hand
, in
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category
E the
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percentage
of male
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executive
is the lowest
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around
35 and the
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percentage
of
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executive
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
80.

In rest of those
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categories
, the
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percentages
of male
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executive
are declining in opposite to the
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percentages
of
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executive
which is rising.
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Around
85, 60 and 55
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percentages
are held
by male
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executive
and
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around
35, 40 and 55
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percentages
are held
by
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
executive
in
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categories
B, C and D
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The chart shows the percentage of men and women employed in executive position in ACME Oil Company in 1995

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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