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the chart shows air pollution level by different causes among four countries. Summaries the information

the chart shows air pollution level by different causes among four countries. BMeGp
The given bar graph illustrate the level of air contamination in China, America, Japan and Australia from electricity generation, transport and industry. In China and Japan industrial waste was the major reason for the polluted air but industries in China release 80 ppm polluted gases whereas in Japan it barely cross 40 ppm. In addition to this, transportation and electricity generation produces 70 and 60 ppm in China and 30 and 17 ppm in Japan respectively. Furthermore, in America vehicles was the major culprit of air pollution which generated 59 ppm contaminated air remaining two sectors emit 30 ppm obnoxious gases. in contrast Australia is the cleanest country and all three sectors produce only 19 ppm gases. Overall, the chart depicts that China is the most polluted country in the term of air, where electricity generation lied at the bottom but still produced the highest contaminated particles among the nations in all three categories. While, Australia had the lowest level of air pollution.
The
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given
bar graph illustrate the level of
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air
contamination in China, America,
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Japan
and Australia from electricity generation, transport and industry.

In China and
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Japan
industrial waste was the major reason for the polluted
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air
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
industries in China release 80 ppm polluted gases whereas in
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Japan
it
barely
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cross
40 ppm.
In addition
to this, transportation and electricity generation produces 70 and 60 ppm in China and 30 and 17 ppm in
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Japan
respectively
.

Furthermore
, in America vehicles was the major culprit of
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air
pollution which generated 59 ppm contaminated
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air
remaining two sectors emit 30 ppm obnoxious gases.
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in
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contrast
Australia is the cleanest country and all three sectors produce
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only
19 ppm gases.

Overall
, the chart depicts that China is the most polluted country in the term of
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air
, where electricity generation lied at the bottom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
produced the highest contaminated particles among the nations in all three categories.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, Australia had the lowest level of
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air
pollution.
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IELTS academic the chart shows air pollution level by different causes among four countries.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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