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The chart showed how 4 countries people spent money on on 5 sector in 2009

The chart showed how 4 countries people spent money on on 5 sector in 2009 gW7aD
The bar chart provides information about how the citizens of the UK, USA, Canada and Japan spent money in 5 sectors: clothing food, healthcare, housing as well as transportation in 2009. Overall, it is apparent that the percentage of expenditure in clothing was the lowest position while in housing, there was the highest proportion of total outlays in all countries. As can be seen from the graph that in 2009, expenditure rate in all nations were almost similar in clothing which was about 5%. However, Canadian (4%), Japanese(4%), British (2%) spent less money for their healthcare than in clothing though the USA made a gradual rise (almost 7%). In terms of spending money on food, Japan consisted of well over 20%, which was higher than other three nations and the Uk was only 4% lower than the country of Japan. The expense rate of both Canada and USA where almost equal (50%). In housing, the shares of expenditure in Canada, Japan, UK, and USA were next to 20% 21% 33% and 26% respectively. The canadian spent similarly on transportation as like as housing (30%), whereas there was only 10% Japanese which is about half of Canada. Nevertheless, the rest countries (Uk as well as USA) were almost the same in order to spend in transportation.
The bar chart provides information about how the citizens of the UK, USA, Canada and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
spent money in 5 sectors: clothing food, healthcare, housing
as well
as transportation in 2009.

Overall
, it is apparent that the percentage of expenditure in clothing was the lowest position while in housing, there was the highest proportion of total outlays in all countries.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that in 2009, expenditure rate in all nations were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
similar in clothing which was about 5%.
However
, Canadian (4%), Japanese(4%), British (2%) spent less money for their healthcare than in clothing though the USA made a gradual rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(almost
7%).

In terms of spending money on food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
consisted of well over 20%, which was higher than other three nations and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4% lower than the country of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
. The expense rate of both Canada and USA where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
equal (50%). In housing, the shares of expenditure in Canada,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, UK, and USA were
next
to 20% 21% 33% and 26%
respectively
.

The
Possible spelling mistake found.
canadian
spent
similarly
on transportation as like as housing (30%), whereas there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% Japanese which is about half of Canada.
Nevertheless
, the rest countries (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
as well
A determiner is probably missing here: "as the USA".
as USA
) were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
the same in order to spend in transportation.
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IELTS academic The chart showed how 4 countries people spent money on on 5 sector in 2009

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
215 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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