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the chart show the percentage of male and female teacher in six different educational setting in uk .summarise the information.

the chart show the percentage of male and female teacher in six different educational setting in uk. dlpa2
This bar chart shows educational jobs in the united kingdom's educational system in six different occupations. In the nursery/preschool is a big gap between a male and female teacher and the female number is near five times more than male. In my opinion, the reason for this gap is females are more patient and have better relationships whit kids because of their maternal feelings. We have the same gap in primary school as in preschool but this gap becomes smaller in secondary school at the end at high school number of females and males becomes equal. We can see the number of males in private council is more than females at the end hear is emerge significant gap between male and female professors in university maybe this gap show that universities are more likely to accept male professors. In summary, we can say in the early year of studying teachers are more female than male as the students go to upper classes especially in high education male professors become more.
This bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
educational jobs in the
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
united kingdom
's educational system in six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occupations. In the nursery/preschool is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between a male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
teacher and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
number is near five times more than male. In my opinion, the reason for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are more patient and have better relationships whit kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their maternal feelings. We have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
in primary school as in preschool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
becomes smaller in secondary school at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
at high school number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
becomes equal. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
in private council is more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
hear is emerge significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
professors in university maybe this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that universities are more likely to accept male professors. In summary, we can say in the early year of studying teachers are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
than male as the students go to upper classes
especially
in high education male professors become more.
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IELTS academic the chart show the percentage of male and female teacher in six different educational setting in uk.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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