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The chart show the number and genres of TV program watched by men and women and four different age group in Australia.

The chart show the number and genres of TV program watched by men and women and four different age group in Australia. 2rQPj
The given illustrations show percentage of people who watch reality and game shows among 'four different age groups' and between 'male and female'. The data from the charts clearly depicts the keen interest of females, i. e. 70% in watching reality shows over males i. e. about 35%. Although, as per second chart, about 60% of females also showed interest in game shows which is surprisingly close to the percentage of game shows watching males. Among the four age groups taken, people between age 16 to 24 showed equal interestof about 50% in watching both reality as well as game shows. In second age group with people above the age of 25 but under the age of 34, people tend to watch the reality shows more than game shows with the percentage of 60 and about 38 respectively. The third age group including people between 35 to 44 years of age, showed more interest in both the genre than the second group with around 60% people interested in reality shows and 40% in game shows. The fourth group with people of age 45 and above showed equal interest in both the genre likewise the first group, however the percentage is higher for about 70% in former than 50% in later. It is overviewed that people tend to watch reality shows more than game shows despite the undoubting interest of males in the sports. Although, similar interest is shown between the two genre in two age groups.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustrations
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show
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percentage
of
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
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reality
and game
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shows
among 'four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
groups' and between 'male and female'. The data from the charts
clearly
depicts the keen
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interest
of females,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
70% in watching
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reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
over males
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
about 35%. Although, as per second chart, about 60% of females
also
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showed
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interest
in game
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shows
which is
surprisingly
close to the
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percentage
of game
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shows
watching males. Among the four
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age
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groups
taken,
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people
between
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age
16 to 24
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showed
equal
Possible spelling mistake found.
interestof
about 50% in watching both
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reality
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
game
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shows
. In second
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age
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group
with
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people
above the
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age
of 25
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but
under the
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age
of 34,
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people
tend to
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watch
the
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reality
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shows
more than game
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shows
with the
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percentage
of 60 and about 38
respectively
. The third
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age
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group
including
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people
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 44".
between 35 to 44
years of
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age
,
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showed
more
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interest
in both the genre than the second
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group
with around 60%
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people
interested in
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reality
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shows
and 40% in game
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shows
. The fourth
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group
with
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people
of
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age
45 and above
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showed
equal
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interest
in both the genre
likewise
the
first
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group
,
however
the
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percentage
is higher for about 70% in former than 50% in later. It
is overviewed
that
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people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reality
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shows
more than game
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shows
despite the undoubting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
of males in the sports.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is shown
between the two genre in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
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IELTS academic The chart show the number and genres of TV program watched by men and women and four different age group in Australia.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
246 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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