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The chart show information about the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 to 2000.

The chart show information about the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 to 2000. 9Bl8j
The chart gives information about the proportion of employment, in terms of gender in four countries from 1970 to 2000. Overall, it is clear that the proportion of male gender from aged 60-64 accounted for the highest point whereas female followed the opposite trend. It is also noteworthy that the percentage of employment in this group was decreased during the period of time. As can be seen from the chart, in 1970, the US accounted for the highest percentage of both employment’s gender with over 80% male and over 70% female whereas Japan followed the opposite trend, where 79% male and over 50% female. In addition, both of the two countries, Belgium and Indonesia have quite a similar amount of employment in two genders, with females around 60% and males around 80%. In 2000, the number of women employed in these countries followed a downward trend, especially Berigum, down to under 10%. Similarly, the male gender followed the same trend as females, except in the USA and Indonesia when it maintains the same proportion as the last period.
The chart gives information about the proportion of
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employment
, in terms of gender in four countries from 1970 to 2000.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the proportion of male gender from aged 60-64 accounted for the highest point whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
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followed
the opposite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
. It is
also
noteworthy that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in this group
was decreased
during the period of time.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, in 1970, the US accounted for the highest percentage of both
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employment’s
gender with over 80% male and over 70%
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female
whereas Japan
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followed
the opposite
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trend
, where 79% male and over 50%
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female
.
In addition
, both of the two countries, Belgium and Indonesia have quite a similar amount of
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employment
in two genders, with
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females
around 60% and
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males
around 80%.

In 2000, the number of women employed in these countries
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followed
a downward
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trend
,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
Berigum
, down to under 10%.
Similarly
, the male gender
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followed
the same
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trend
as
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females
, except in the USA and Indonesia when it maintains the same proportion as the last period.
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IELTS academic The chart show information about the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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