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The chart represents the contribution of men and women for

The chart represents the contribution of men and women for Lw0l3
The chart represents the contribution of men and women for employement in various sectors of Freedonia in 1975. Overall, number of male workers are more than female in all the sectors. However, men outnumbered women drastically in manufacturing sector while the contribution is almost same in communication field. More employees were interested in non-defence type of public sector with a total male count of just below 900 and female count of around 700. On contrary, less workers are working in defence category of public sector with more than 200 male and approximately 50 female. In regards to the communication field, both the sexes contributed with relatively similar value of just below 300. A drastic change between the sexes is evident in Manufacturing and Banking fields with near to 700 men and 300 women in the first sector while around 100 male and just above 400 female worked in the other. Moreover, more people were interested to work in wholesale & retail trades next to non-defence category with a total count of almost 1300 employees where about 600 employees are feminine in them.
The chart represents the contribution of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women for
Possible spelling mistake found.
employement
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Freedonia
in 1975.

Overall
, number of male workers are more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
outnumbered women
drastically
in manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
while the contribution is almost same in communication field.

More employees
were interested
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
type of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
with a total male count of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 900 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
count of around 700. On contrary,
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun workers is countable.
less
workers are working in
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
category of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
with more than 200 male and approximately 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
In regards to
the communication field, both the sexes contributed with
relatively
similar value of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 300.

A drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
between the sexes is evident in Manufacturing and Banking fields with near to 700
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and 300 women in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
while around 100 male and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
worked in the other.
Moreover
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were interested
to work in wholesale & retail trades
next
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
non-defence
category with a total count of almost 1300 employees where about 600 employees are feminine in them.
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IELTS academic The chart represents the contribution of men and women for

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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