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the chart gives information about the age of women in Australia give birth for their first child

the chart gives information about the age of women in Australia give birth for their first child m3QpL
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of women in Australia give birth to their first child which divide into 5 age group between 1966 and 2006. Overall, women aged 34 to 39 were a significant upward trend during the whole period. While the people fell into the 34 to 39 age group climbed overtime, the opposite was true for individuals aged 20 to 24, decreasing constantly from 1966 to 2006. At the first glance, it is evident that women aged 19 and under dipped slightly from roughly 36% to below 13% during 40 years. In addition, people aged 20 to 29 peaked at nearly 70%, which was a considerable decline to half in 2006. Above 40% gave birth to their first child which remained stable over the period (around 42 to 46%). In contrast, starting at 14% in 1966, the ratio of women 30 to 34 years old increased slightly prior to soaring to 54% in 2006. This data for people aged 34 to 39 and 40 plus gave birth to their first child were generally climbed about 30% and 5% correspondingly.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Australia give birth to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
child which divide into 5 age group between 1966 and 2006.

Overall
,
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
34 to 39 were a significant upward trend during the whole period. While the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fell into the 34 to 39 age group climbed overtime, the opposite was true for individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
20 to 24, decreasing
constantly
from 1966 to 2006.

At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
glance, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
19 and under dipped
slightly
from roughly 36% to below 13% during 40 years.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
20 to 29 peaked at
nearly
70%, which was a considerable decline to half in 2006. Above 40% gave birth to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
child which remained stable over the period (around 42 to 46%).

In contrast
, starting at 14% in 1966, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
30 to 34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
increased
slightly
prior to soaring to 54% in 2006. This data for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
34 to 39 and 40 plus gave birth to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
child were
generally
climbed about 30% and 5%
correspondingly
.
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IELTS academic the chart gives information about the age of women in Australia give birth for their first child

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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