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The given bar graph demonstrates coffee and tea buying and drinking habits of consumers in five separated Australian cities

The given bar graph demonstrates coffee and tea buying and drinking habits of consumers in five separated Australian cities NlEBW
The given bar graph demonstrates coffee and tea buying and drinking habits of consumers in five separated Australian cities such as Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart. Overall, it is clear to see that the figure for people going to a café to buy their drinks is the highest one among three categories. In addition, the population in all cities buying fresh coffee is no more than half. What stands out is that except Sydney, the data of citizens in all cities going to a café to purchase their drinks was double that of the population stocking up fresh coffee. The number of people going to a café in Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart was approximately 65%, 55%, 50% and 63% respectively, whilst the figure for people consuming fresh coffee was twice as less as that. Moving on to the data of the citizens buying instant coffee, it is interesting to note that all five cities have more than half of the population consuming that type. The rate of people in Brisbane was the highest one with nearly 53%, while that of Sydney was the least one, accounting for 46%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph demonstrates
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coffee
and tea buying and drinking habits of consumers in five separated Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the figure for
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people
going to a café to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their drinks is the highest one among three categories.
In addition
, the population in all
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cities
buying fresh
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coffee
is no more than half.

What stands out is that except Sydney, the data of citizens in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
going to a café to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their drinks was double that of the population stocking up fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going to a café in Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart was approximately 65%, 55%, 50% and 63%
respectively
, whilst the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consuming fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
was twice as
Did you mean "less", "little"?
less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
that.

Moving on to the data of the citizens buying instant
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coffee
, it is interesting to note that all five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have more than half of the population consuming that type. The rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Brisbane was the highest one with
nearly
53%, while that of Sydney was the least one, accounting for 46%.
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IELTS academic The given bar graph demonstrates coffee and tea buying and drinking habits of consumers in five separated Australian cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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