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the line graph compares five sector in terms of the percentage of total expenditure in a certain European country over a period of 40 years.

the line graph compares five sector in terms of the percentage of total expenditure in a certain European country over a period of 40 years. XqeXg
the line graph compares five sector in terms of the percentage of total expenditure in a certain European country over a period of 40 years. it is clear that the total percentage of expenditure in certain European country felt considerably between 1960 and 2000, while the transport sector saw a slight increase in the whole period. the most dramatic decrease was seen in total food consumption. in 1960, just over 5% total expenditure came from fuel and energy sector, the percentage of food consumption was more than 7 times that amount. the total entertainment spending was was responsible for about almost 20%, while the clothing and transport saw the same figure of spending around 10% and 9%, respectively. the total expenditure from food went down dramatically to 14%, a drop of almost 20% in 2000. the figure for leisure, clothing, fuel and energy decreased slightly from around 3% to 11% at the end of the period, whereas the total transport expenditure increased gradually, reaching a peak of 15%
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
line graph compares five
Possible agreement error. The noun 'sector' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sectors".
sector
in terms of the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in a certain European country over a period of 40 years.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in certain European country felt
considerably
between 1960 and 2000, while the transport sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a slight increase in the whole period.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
most dramatic decrease was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
food consumption.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
1960,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
came from fuel and energy sector, the percentage of food consumption was more than 7 times that amount.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
entertainment spending
Possible typo: you repeated a word
was was
responsible for about almost 20%, while the clothing and transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the same figure of spending around 10% and 9%,
respectively
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
from food went down
dramatically
to 14%, a drop of almost 20% in 2000.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
the
figure for leisure, clothing, fuel and energy decreased
slightly
from around 3% to 11% at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
increased
gradually
, reaching a peak of 15%

IELTS academic the line graph compares five sector in terms of the percentage of total expenditure in a certain European country over a period of 40 years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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