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The chart gives information about science qualifications in Singapore and Malaysia

The chart gives information about science qualifications in Singapore and Malaysia QlxPK
The graph compares science qualification’s holders categorized into master, bachelor level, school leaving exam and non-science qualifications between two countries named Malaysia and Singapore. Overall, the percentage of people who does not hold science certificate was the highest in both countries in the chart. In addition, more students pursued science studies in Singapore. The proportion of Malaysian people who did not obtained higher education in science was higher than of Singaporean ones, with respective figures being at 65% and 60%. Similarly, the figures for whom left school exams in Malaysia, which was 5% higher than that of those in Singapore. In regard of science bachelor degree’s holders, there is a significant difference between two examined continents, Singaporean graduates were doubled compared to merely 10% of Malaysians. While less than 5 percent of science degree’s holder was in Master level in both nations.
The graph compares
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science
qualification’s holders categorized into master, bachelor level,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leaving
exam and non-science qualifications between two countries named Malaysia and Singapore.

Overall
, the percentage of
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people
who does not hold
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science
certificate was the highest in both countries in the chart.
In addition
, more students pursued
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science
studies in Singapore.

The proportion of Malaysian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did not obtained higher education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
was higher than of Singaporean ones, with respective figures being at 65% and 60%.
Similarly
, the figures for whom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
school exams in Malaysia, which was 5% higher than that of those in Singapore.

In regard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
bachelor degree’s holders, there is a significant difference between two examined continents, Singaporean graduates
were doubled
compared to
merely
10% of Malaysians.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
less than 5 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
degree’s holder was in Master level in both nations.
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IELTS academic The chart gives information about science qualifications in Singapore and Malaysia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
142 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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