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The chart given information about retirement income and employment in three countries in 2017

The chart given information about retirement income and employment in three countries in 2017 m8k0N
The tabullar data and bar chart illustrates details about retirement revenue and employment in three nation from 2017Overall, it can be clearly seen that, about three countries income source had higest in uk and Japan almost same Thailand was lowest source of income, then private sector in workers ratio had higest in ThailandTo start with, in the three nations wages source had highest in Uk and Japan in public pension 48% and 52% respectively. However, in private pension highest in Uk almost nearly quarter, investment revenue was 11% in Uk and Thailand and Japan had almost same 8%. moreover, then buisness income had high source of Thailand 18% and in Japan had half of Thailand. Wages from warking had 12% and 18% from Thailand and Japan respectively, then family assistance through income source was highest in Thailand 41% and 7% almost same in Uk and Japan. On the other hand, workers they were working in different sectors in 2017 was highest ratio of working employers Thailand 62% and Uk and Japan had almost over the half. furthermore, in Uk public sector and not employed were same nearly quarter and Japan had almost quarter. In the Thailand had significant changed in private sector and not employed about 24% and 14% respectively.
The
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tabullar
data and bar chart illustrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about retirement revenue and employment in three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'nation' seems to be countable, so consider using: "nations".
nation
from 2017Overall, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, about three countries
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income
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source
had
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higest
in
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uk
and
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Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
same Thailand was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
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source
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
, then private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in workers ratio had
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higest
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ThailandTo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, in the three nations wages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
had highest in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
and
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Japan
in public pension 48% and 52%
respectively
.
However
, in private pension highest in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
nearly
quarter, investment revenue was 11% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
and Thailand and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
same 8%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, then
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buisness
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income
had high
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source
of Thailand 18% and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had half of Thailand. Wages from
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warking
had 12% and 18% from Thailand and
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Japan
respectively
, then family assistance through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
was highest in Thailand 41% and 7%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
same in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
On the other hand
, workers they were working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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sectors
in 2017 was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
ratio of working employers Thailand 62% and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
over the half.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
public
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sector
and not employed were same
nearly
quarter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
almost
quarter. In the Thailand had significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and not employed about 24% and 14%
respectively
.

IELTS academic The chart given information about retirement income and employment in three countries in 2017

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
210 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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