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the chart blow shows male and female membership in thailand between 1985 and 2015

the chart blow shows male and female membership in thailand between 1985 and 2015 kma2
The given bar chart compares the number of men and women membership in Thailand over 30 - year period Overall, it is clear to see that the number of female members rose while that of male has an opposite trend over the period. Also, the year 2010 was seen the highest number of both gender members. In 1985, the figure for female number started with over 1000 members and over 2000 members for male. In the next 5 years, there was a slight increase to around 3900 members in the data on women members and it was a similar trend for men's that dramatically went up to approximately 4000 members. However, the year 1995 witnesses a significant decline of around 1500 male members and a modest drop by 100 in the numbers of female members. In term of 2000 to 2015, there was a fluctuate in the figure of members in both gender. The number of female was around 3000 members while that of male was approximately 2000 members in 2000. The year 2010 saw a dramatical rose to 5000 in the figure of men. The number of women, however, rose slightly to 3000 members. Noticeably in the next 5 years, there was a plunge drop 5 times to 1000 members in the number of female and 1. 5 times to 2000 members in the figure of male. Compare with 1985, the number of women rose around 700 members while that of men dropped over 1000 members.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart compares the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
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women
membership in Thailand
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over
30
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-
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year
period

Overall
, it is
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clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
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number
of
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female
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members
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rose
while that of male has an opposite trend
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over
the period.
Also
, the
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year
2010 was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
the highest
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number
of both gender members.

In 1985, the
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figure
for
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with
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over
1000
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members
and
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over
2000
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members
for male. In the
next
5 years, there was a slight increase to
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around
3900
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members
in the data on
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women
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members
and it was a similar trend for
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men
's that
dramatically
went up to approximately 4000
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members
.
However
, the
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year
1995 witnesses a significant decline of
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around
1500 male
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members
and a modest drop by 100 in the
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numbers
of
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female
members.

In term of 2000 to 2015, there was
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'fluctuate' is correct. If 'fluctuate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a fluctuate
in the
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figure
of
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members
in both gender. The
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number
of
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female
was
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around
3000
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members
while that of male was approximately 2000
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members
in 2000. The
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year
2010
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saw
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
dramatical
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rose
to 5000 in the
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figure
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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number
of
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women
,
however
,
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rose
slightly
to 3000
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members
.
Noticeably
in the
next
5 years, there was a plunge drop 5 times to 1000
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members
in the
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number
of
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female
and 1. 5 times to 2000
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members
in the
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figure
of male. Compare with 1985, the
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number
of
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rose
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around
700
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members
while that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
dropped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.

IELTS academic the chart blow shows male and female membership in thailand between 1985 and 2015

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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