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The chart below shows the propotion of profits made from seven most viewed movies

The chart below shows the propotion of profits made from seven most viewed movies BaJbm
The bar chart below illustrates the percentage of profits made from seven different genre movie in US cinemas between 1995 to 2005 as a proportion of the total earning from each genres. It is clear that all genres were fluctuated over this period. Adventure film and drama film varied continually during the whole period. Additionally, four movies genres namely adventure, comedy, action and drama made more money for US film industry. In 1995, the percentage of money earned from drama film was the highest, at 27. 5%, followed by 20% of comedy film. The proportion of money earned from action movies and adventure movies stand in third and fourth place, at 17% and 14% respectively. After five years, the figures have changed. The proportion of money earned from comedy was increased significantly with 20%. Meanwhile, the percentage of profit from Thriller, musical and animation rose slightly at 7%, 6% and 5% respectively. By contrast, the figure for drama and other genres was declined the most. From 2000 to 2005, the proportion of profit from comedy stand out as the most profitable genres, at 26%. At the same time, this figure for adventure movies was soared sharply and stand in the second place with 24%. Whereas the proportion of profit from action movies was decreased slightly at 7. 5 %. By contrast, the percentage of money earned from action, drama, thriller and musical was plummeted with 12. 5%, 21%, 4% and 3. 9% respectively.
The bar chart below illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
made from seven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
genre
Possible agreement error. The noun 'movie' seems to be countable, so consider using: "movies".
movie
in US cinemas
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1995 and 2005".
between 1995 to 2005
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of the total earning from each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "genre"?
genres
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that all genres
were fluctuated
over this period.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adventure
film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
film varied
continually
during the whole period.
Additionally
, four
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movies
genres
namely
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adventure
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comedy
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
made more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for US film industry.

In 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
film was the highest, at 27. 5%, followed by 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comedy
film. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
stand in third and fourth place, at 17% and 14%
respectively
. After five years, the figures have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comedy
was increased
significantly
with 20%. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
from Thriller, musical and animation rose
slightly
at 7%, 6% and 5%
respectively
. By contrast, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
and other genres
was declined
the most.

From 2000 to 2005, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comedy
stand out as the most profitable genres, at 26%. At the same time, this figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adventure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
was soared
sharply
and stand in the second place with 24%.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
was decreased
slightly
at 7. 5 %. By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
, thriller and musical
was plummeted
with 12. 5%, 21%, 4% and 3. 9%
respectively
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the propotion of profits made from seven most viewed movies

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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