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The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011. 9dgx
The bar chart demonstrates families percent in owning and renting residence in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011. Overall rented residence considerably residence considerably fell. On the other hand house owners gradually grown. The rented houses was more than 70 percent in 1918 and it decreased to 30 percent in 2001. But it slightly increased around 35 percent in 2011. While the percentages of rented residence was at a same percent around 70 in 1939. The numbers of households owning the house was just around 20 percent in 1918 then gradually increased and peaked in 2001 around 70 percent. Also in 1939 and 1953 the number of families in owned residence was same with approximately 30 percent. Besides the figures of both group was exactly the same in 1971 with 50 percent.
The bar chart demonstrates families
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percent
in owning and renting
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residence
in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.
Overall
rented
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residence
considerably
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residence
considerably
fell.
On the other hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
owners
gradually
grown.

The rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
was more than 70
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percent
in 1918 and it decreased to 30
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percent
in 2001.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
slightly
increased
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around
35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2011.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the percentages of rented
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residence
was at a same
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percent
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around
70 in 1939.

The numbers of households owning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was
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just
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around
20
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percent
in 1918 then
gradually
increased and peaked in 2001
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Also
in 1939 and 1953 the number of families in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residence
was same with approximately 30 percent.

Besides
the figures of both group was exactly the same in 1971 with 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
133 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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