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The chart below shows the percentage of foreign workers who study the local languages when working in different countries.

The chart below shows the percentage of foreign workers who study the local languages when working in different countries. GJYML
The bar graph below shows information about the percentage of workers from foreign countries who learn the local languages. As illustrated, the biggest difference is between German language countries and English language countries. The country who has the highest percentage of foreign workers able to speak the local language is Germany, accounting for 75% of the total number of foreign workers, followed by Belgium with 70%. The country with the lowest percentage is Australia, where just 10% of the total amount of workers employed can speak the local language. United States and United Kingdom increase their numbers a little bit more, accounting for 18 and 15 percent, respectively. In conclusion, the bar graph showed a significantly difference between the german language countries and english language ones in term of number of workers from foreign countries who learn the local language
The bar graph below
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shows
information about the percentage of
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workers
from
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foreign
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countries
who learn the
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local
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languages
. As illustrated, the biggest difference is between German
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language
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countries
and English
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language
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countries
. The
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country
who has the highest percentage of
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
able to speak the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is Germany, accounting for 75% of the total number of
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foreign
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workers
, followed by Belgium with 70%. The
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country
with the lowest percentage is Australia, where
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just
10% of the total amount of
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workers
employed can speak the
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local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. United States and United Kingdom increase their numbers a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
more, accounting for 18 and 15 percent,
respectively
.

In conclusion
, the bar graph
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showed
a
You used an adverb ('significantly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('difference') instead of another adjective.
significantly difference
between the
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german
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language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
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english
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language
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
in term of number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of foreign workers who study the local languages when working in different countries.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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