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The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time VBYy6
The bar chart compares the number of men and women who studied further education either full time or part time between the years 1970/71 and 1990/91 in Great Britain. It can clearly be seen that the full-time education is more popular than the part-time education for both men and women. In 1970/71, one million men studied full-time education as opposed to nearly 700. 000 women. The trend recorded a dip of nearly 20% for men in the following decade, but improved slightly then after. In contrast, there was a steady increase for women during 1980s and the number surpassed to the highest level in the following decade. With regard to the part-time education enrolments, both men and women had more or less the same numbers (200, 000) throughout three decades barring the 1970s where men had the upper hand slightly than women. Overall, the number of women for both studying full- and part-time for further education increased at a decent pace after a moderate start in the seventies. (166 words)
The bar chart compares the
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number
of
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men
and
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women
who studied
further
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education
either full time or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
between the years 1970/71 and 1990/91 in Great Britain. It can
clearly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the full-time
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education
is more popular than the part-time
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education
for both
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men
and
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women
. In 1970/71, one million
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men
studied full-time
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education
as opposed to
nearly
700. 000
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women
. The trend recorded a dip of
nearly
20% for
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men
in the following decade,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
slightly
then after.
In contrast
, there was a steady increase for
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women
The article is probably missing here: "during the 1980s".
during 1980s
and the
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number
surpassed to the highest level in the following decade. With regard to the part-time
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education
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
, both
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men
and
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women
had more or less the same
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numbers
(200, 000) throughout three decades barring the 1970s where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
had the upper hand
slightly
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for both studying full- and part-time for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
increased at a decent pace after a moderate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in the seventies. (166 words)
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
169 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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