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the chart below shows the number of internet users in three different countries and the world average between 1998 and 2013

the chart below shows the number of internet users in three different countries and the world average between 1998 and 2013 oEYbV
The given chart illustrates the shares of incomes generated from seven most popular movie categories in US cinemas in 3 different years as the proportion of the total gains of the US film sector. Overall, it is apparent that all genres of movie fluctuated over the years. Also noticeable was that adventure and drama experienced more shifts than the others. Besides, adventure, comedy, action and drama represented the major earnings of the US film sector. Looking more closely, one can see that in 1995, drama was the highest figure, which accounted for a-third of the incomes, followed by comedy with roughly 20%. The opposite was true for thriller, musical and animation, with only 7, 5, 3% respectively. After 5 years, comedy surpassed drama to be the most viewed genre, with approximately 25%. The upward patterns can also be seen in thriller and musical, both of which made up 8%. The opposite was true for the other categories. At the final stage of the chart, comedy peaked at roughly 27%, which came in top spot of all genres. Adventure and animation saw a similar trend. One of which experienced the largest change, with about 2. 5 times larger than that in 2000. Meanwhile, the figures for other types of movie all declined.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart illustrates the shares of incomes generated from seven most popular movie categories in US cinemas in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years as the proportion of the total gains of the US film sector.

Overall
, it is apparent that all genres of movie fluctuated over the years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
noticeable was that adventure and
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drama
experienced more shifts than the others.
Besides
, adventure,
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comedy
, action and
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drama
represented the major earnings of the US film sector.

Looking more
closely
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that in 1995,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
was the highest figure, which accounted for a-third of the incomes, followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comedy
with roughly 20%. The opposite was true for thriller, musical and animation, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7, 5, 3%
respectively
.

After 5 years,
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comedy
surpassed
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drama
to be the most viewed genre, with

approximately 25%. The upward patterns can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in thriller and musical, both of which made up 8%. The opposite was true for the other categories.

At the final stage of the chart,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comedy
peaked at roughly 27%, which came in top spot of all genres. Adventure and animation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a similar trend. One of which experienced the largest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, with about 2. 5 times larger than that in 2000. Meanwhile, the figures for other types of movie all declined.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the number of internet users in three different countries and the world average between 1998 and 2013

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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