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House fuel consumption percentage graph

House fuel consumption percentage graph 0nXwl
The given graph demonstrates the fuel choices for house heating according to the built year. We can clearly see that the percentage of electricity used for house heating has significantly increased. According to the graph, at the time of 1950, natural gas was the most popular choice for house heating with the maximum percentage of 60 and this percentage remained the same for 1969. Moreover between 1969 and 1989, the usage of natural gas dramatically dropped to 45% and this percentage was not changed until 2010. On the other hand, before 1950, electricity was the least option for house heating (aprroximately 15%). However, between 1950-1969, electricity usage increased slightly, accounting for 25%. Then, the number of houses which used electricity for fuel systematically increased decade by decade until it reached its highest point(55%) in 2010. To conclude, electricity became the best choice for house heating while the usage of natural gas declined year by year.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph demonstrates the fuel choices for
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house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
according to the built year. We can
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
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percentage
of
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electricity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
has
significantly
increased.

According to the graph, at the time of 1950, natural gas was the most popular choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
with the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of 60 and this
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percentage
remained the same for 1969.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
between 1969 and 1989, the usage of natural gas
dramatically
dropped to 45% and this
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percentage
was not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
until 2010.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
1950,
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electricity
was the least option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
(
Possible spelling mistake found.
aprroximately
15%).
However
, between 1950-1969,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
usage increased
slightly
, accounting for 25%. Then, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for fuel
systematically
increased decade by decade until it reached its highest point(55%) in 2010.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
became the best choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
while the usage of natural gas declined year by year.
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IELTS academic House fuel consumption percentage graph

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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