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the chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age group and the amount of they received from employers.

the chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age group and the amount of they received from employers. enpO
The bar chart reveals the important factor for study among pupils for according to age group and the value of support they got from workers. Overall, yongsters select their study for choosing career and above fifties prefer to do job for interest. On the other side, freshers take maximum support from employers. As shown in the figure, 80% students which age is under 26 they select study for made career and only 10% students suggest study for interest. The proportion of choose for career is decrease stedily after 26 age. In contrast, the graph of study for interest is increase rapidaly after age of 26 while 70% of student doing their job for interest after age of 49. Morever, nearly same number of 40 - 49 year old people study for interest and career. On the other hand, the trainee emolpoyers need 60% support from their colleague which is high to all over graph. Afterward, the graph is gradually decrease at numbur of 30 - 39 age people and reached almost 33% then the graph rise stepely at 70% above age of 49.
The bar chart reveals the
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important
factor for
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study
among pupils for according to
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age
group and the value of support they
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got
from workers.
Overall
,
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yongsters
select their
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study
for choosing career and above fifties prefer to do job for
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interest
. On the other side, freshers take maximum support from employers.

As shown in the figure, 80% students which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is under 26 they select
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study
for made career and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% students suggest
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study
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
. The proportion of choose for career is decrease
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stedily
after 26
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age
.
In contrast
, the
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graph
of
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study
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
is increase
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rapidaly
after
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age
of 26 while 70% of student doing their job for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 49.
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Morever
,
nearly
same number of
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
40 - 49
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and career.

On the other hand
, the trainee
Possible spelling mistake found.
emolpoyers
need 60% support from their colleague which is high to all over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
. Afterward, the
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graph
is
gradually
Consider using a past participle here: "decreased".
decrease
at
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numbur
of
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
30 - 39
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age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and reached almost 33% then the
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graph
rise
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stepely
at 70% above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 49.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age group and the amount of they received from employers.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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