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The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006. r0Pm
The chart illustrates the worldwide sales of digital games ( Mobile Phone, Online, Console and Handheld Games) of 6 years from 2000 to 2006. Overall, it can be seen that the sales of handheld games was the largest and increased significantly over the years which in contrast to console games decreased gradually. With the introduction of mobile and online games, it can be seen that there was a subsequent increase in total sales of digital games. In the year 2000 the sale of handheld games nearly touched 12bn dollars whereas that of console games was 6bn dollars. The sales for handheld games rose steadily till it reached 15bn dollars in 2002, in contrast the sales declined and reached around 4bn dollars for console games. The following years the sales for handheld games and console games remained unchanged and the sales was around 15bn dollars and 4bn dollars respectively in 2003, 2004 and 2005. The sales for handheld segment climbed and reached a peak of 18bn dollars in 2006 whereas the sales declined further and reached 3bn dollars in same year. Mobile phone games was introduced in the year 2001 and online games subsequently in 2002. The sales for both segment was around 1bn dollars in 2002 and both rose gradually in even pattern till 2005 where sales for both sections were around 6bn dollars. In 2006, the online game segment broke off from the pattern and sales reached around 9bn dollars whereas the sales increased only 1bn for mobile phone games.
The chart illustrates the worldwide
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sales
of digital
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games
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Mobile Phone,
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Online
,
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Console
and Handheld
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Games)
of 6 years from 2000 to 2006.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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sales
of handheld
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games
was the largest and increased
significantly
over the years which
in contrast
to
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console
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games
decreased
gradually
. With the introduction of mobile and
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online
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games
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was a subsequent increase in total
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sales
of digital games.

In the
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year
2000 the
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sale
of handheld
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games
nearly
touched 12bn
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dollars
whereas that of
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console
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games
was 6bn
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dollars
. The
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sales
for handheld
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games
rose
steadily
till it
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reached
15bn
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dollars
in 2002,
in contrast
the
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sales
declined and
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reached
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around
4bn
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dollars
for
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console
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games
. The following years the
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sales
for handheld
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games
and
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console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
remained unchanged and the
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sales
was
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around
15bn
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dollars
and 4bn
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dollars
respectively
in 2003, 2004 and 2005.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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sales
for handheld segment climbed and
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reached
a peak of 18bn
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dollars
in 2006 whereas the
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sales
declined
further
and
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reached
3bn
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dollars
in same year.

Mobile phone
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games
was introduced
in the
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year
2001 and
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online
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games
subsequently
in 2002. The
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sales
for both segment was
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around
1bn
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dollars
in 2002 and both rose
gradually
in even pattern till 2005 where
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sales
for both sections were
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around
6bn
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dollars
. In 2006, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
game segment broke off from the pattern and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
9bn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1bn for mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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