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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. MMyMN
The Bar chart illustrates the number of male and female having 5 different employment status enjoy their leisure time. It can be clearly seen that unemployed and retired people then to pleasure more than others. Generally, The chart shows the leisure time in a weekly hour by men and women in the years 1998 and 1999. Surprisingly, Not a single male is employed for part-time work. Beginning with the employed (full-time work), 45% of males are employed and 38% are female employees whilst, only females tend to work part-time and the ratio of women working as part-time is 2% more than full-time. Unemployment is increasing because around a four-fifths percentage of males and 78% of females do not work at all. Meanwhile, The people that are retired almost have the same as the percentage of unemployed people. However, half of the women are housewives doing some home activities such as washing clothes and cooking.
The Bar chart illustrates the number of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
having 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment status enjoy their leisure time. It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that unemployed and retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
then to pleasure more than others.

Generally
, The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the leisure time in a weekly hour by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in the years 1998 and 1999.
Surprisingly
, Not a single male
is employed
for part-time work.

Beginning with the employed (full-time work), 45% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are employed
and 38% are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
employees whilst,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
tend to work part-time and the ratio of women working as part-time is 2% more than full-time. Unemployment is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
around a four-fifths percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and 78% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
do not work at all.

Meanwhile, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
are retired
almost have the same as the percentage of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, half of the women are housewives doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
home activities such as washing clothes and cooking.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
154 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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