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the chart below shows information about the integration problems for people living abroad (%)

the chart below shows information about the integration problems for people living abroad (%) J0rV5
The chart illustrates the difficulty people have when they move to a new country and how the problems vary according to people’s age. The greatest problem of the middle group is sorting out healthcare, a problem experienced by 37 percent of people in this age group. However, only 36 percent of over 55 years old people find it hard to sort out healthcare, while even fewer people from 18 to 34 years old (33 percent) have this problem. Thirty-five percent of the middle age group have the most problem related to money. In comparison, the oldest group find this easier, and the percentage who have problem related to money is much lower, at 29%. Furthermore, the middle group also have the most problematic with finding school for children, within 19 percent. Otherwise, the youngest group only have 6 percent of people experienced this problem and fewer than 5 percent of people in oldest age have this problem, about 3 percent. In conclusion, all the age groups experience the same problems to some extent, but the percentage of middle age group who find all problems are significant higher than others.
The chart illustrates the difficulty
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people
have when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a new country and how the
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problems
vary according to
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people’s
age.

The greatest
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problem
of the
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middle
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group
is sorting out healthcare, a
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problem
experienced by 37
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percent
of
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people
in this
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age
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group
.
However
,
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only
36
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percent
of over 55 years
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old
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people
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to sort out healthcare, while even fewer
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people
from 18 to 34 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
(33
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percent)
have this problem.

Thirty-five
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percent
of the
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middle
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age
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group
have the most
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problem
related to money.
In comparison
, the oldest
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group
find this easier, and the percentage who have
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problem
related to money is much lower, at 29%.

Furthermore
, the
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middle
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group
also
have the most problematic with finding school for children, within 19
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percent
.
Otherwise
, the youngest
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group
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only
have 6
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percent
of
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people
experienced this
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problem
and fewer than 5
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percent
of
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people
in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the oldest".
oldest
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age
have this
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problem
, about 3 percent.

In conclusion
, all the
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age
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groups
experience the same
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problems
to
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some
extent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the percentage of
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middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
who find all
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problems
are significant higher than others.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows information about the integration problems for people living abroad (%)

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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