Search
Tools
Listening
Reading
1. Academic
2. General
Writing
1. IELTSWriting Checker
2. IELTS Writing Samples
Speaking

Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.

the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US

the chart below indicates the number of people who have heart attacks every year in the US e5wbJ

The given bar chart demonstrates a data about how many people have attacks of heart in the US each year. At the first glance, it is clear that, the men are more dominant than women with this illness. And most of the patients who victim of this disease include people who over 65years olds. Initially, we can see that, this illness appears in a few adults only. The men's quantity between 29 and 44ages oppressed from these attacks include 123 thousand. While the women who in these ages involve 3 thousand only. So this disaster more effects to men than women. This year, most of residents of US who from 45to 64 suffered from that more than younger ones. Additionally, the retired male include 424 thousand. Meanwhile, the account of females is small else, and they involve 136 thousand of patients who prey to heart attacks. The figure of the next type of residents who over than 65 is the pick point of the graph. The 440 thousand of men getting sick. Furthermore, the females' quantity jumped up in these ages, and they involve 574 thousand.

The This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accorded
given
 bar chart demonstrates a data about how This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 have attacks of heart in the US each year.

At the first
 glance, it is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :apparent
clear
 that, the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
 are more dominant than women with this illness. And most of the patients A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a victim".who is a victim
who victim
 of this disease include This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwhich
who
 over 65years olds.

Initially
, we can This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :witness
see
 that, this illness appears in a few adults This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
. The This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
's quantity between 29 and 44ages oppressed from these attacks include 123 thousand. “While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
 the women You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwhich
who
 in these ages involve 3 thousand This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:consequently
So
 this disaster more effects to This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
 than women. This year, After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the residents") or simply say "most residents".most of the residentsmost residents
most of residents
 of US You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwhich
who
 from 45to 64 suffered from that more than younger ones.

Additionally
, the retired male include 424 thousand. Meanwhile, the account of females is This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:tiny
small
 else, and they involve 136 thousand of patients You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwhich
who
 prey to heart attacks. The figure of the next
 type of residents You use this word too often, consider replacing it withwhich
who
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.(over)
over
 than 65 is the pick point of the graph. The 440 thousand of This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsresidentscitizens
men
 getting sick. Furthermore
, the females' quantity jumped up in these ages, and they involve 574 thousand. 