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The graph illustrates the number of birth which happens from 1920 till 2020 in China and in the USA

The graph illustrates the number of birth which happens from 1920 till 2020 in China and in the USA 85GL5
The provided line graph depicts the information about birth rates in two countries, namely China and the USA for a period of 80 years starting 1920. It is evident that both states illustrated a similar pattern, as they fluctuated at first and finishing with a significant drop. In 1920, the share of birth in China stood at 10% before increasing by 5% in 1935. However, there was a sharp decline and by 1940, the birth rate fell to 5%. After the stability for 5 years, it reached a peak at 20% in 1950, after which it decreased approximately 1% till the end of the time frame. The share of births in the USA was about 11% at the beginning of the period. Their rate escalated moderately from the previous 11% to 13%. Noteworthily, there was a considerable drop which was the same as that of in China standing at 5%. Nevertheless, it peaked at 15% in 1950. Between the years 1955 and 2000, the figure plunged substantially until well above 6% which was 5% higher than that in China. Overall, fluctuations are seen in birth rates of China and the USA in the first 30 years but in the rest of the span, they illustrated a downward trend.
The provided line graph depicts the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
in two countries,
namely
China and the USA for a period of 80 years starting 1920. It is evident that both states illustrated a similar pattern, as they fluctuated at
first
and finishing with a significant drop.

In 1920, the share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
in China stood at 10%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
increasing by 5% in 1935.
However
, there was a sharp decline and by 1940, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
fell to 5%. After the stability for 5 years, it reached a peak at 20% in 1950, after which it decreased approximately 1% till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the time frame.

The share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
births
in the USA was about 11% at the beginning of the period. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
escalated
moderately
from the previous 11% to 13%.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noteworthily
, there was a considerable drop which was the same as that of in China standing at 5%.
Nevertheless
, it peaked at 15% in 1950. Between the years 1955 and 2000, the figure plunged
substantially
until well above 6% which was 5% higher than that in China.

Overall
, fluctuations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of China and the USA in the
first
30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the rest of the span, they illustrated a downward trend.
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IELTS academic The graph illustrates the number of birth which happens from 1920 till 2020 in China and in the USA

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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