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The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK.

The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK. 5JaQ
The given bar chart demonstrates how many 25-34 aged British people either possessed or  rented an accommodation in over a decade from 2004 to 2014. Overall, it is apparent that between the ages of 25 and 34, the proportion of UK adults who bought a house was declining each year as opposed to that of renters. In 2004, the figure for home owners reached a peak, making up nearly 60% which was thrice as high than that of renters. Over the next 6 years from 2005, the number of people who bought a house remained steady at about 55% in the first 4 years and then dwindled slightly in 2 year later, at around 50%. Meanwhile, the percentage of renters experienced an incredible increase, up to nearly 40% during the same period. In 2011 and 2012, the proportion of both householders and renters was the same, which accounted for approximately 40% and remained unchanged in these years. From 2013 onwards, the figure for home owners was overtaken by that of renters and hit the nadir, down to under 40% in 2014 whilst the number of British adults renting a house rose quickly and reached the highest point of nearly a half.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart demonstrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
25-34 aged British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
either possessed or
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
rented
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "accommodation".
an accommodation
in over a decade from 2004 to 2014.

Overall
, it is apparent that between the ages of 25 and 34, the proportion of UK adults who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was declining each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
as opposed to that of renters.

In 2004, the figure for
This word is normally spelled as one.
home owners
reached a peak, making up
nearly
60% which was thrice as
Use "higher" to make a comparison with this adjective.
high
Comparison is written 'as high "as"'.
than
that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renters
. Over the
next
6 years from 2005, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
remained steady at about 55% in the
first
4 years and then dwindled
slightly
in 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
later, at around 50%. Meanwhile, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renters
experienced an incredible increase, up to
nearly
40% during the same period.

In 2011 and 2012, the proportion of both householders and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renters
was the same, which accounted for approximately 40% and remained unchanged in these years. From 2013 onwards, the figure for
This word is normally spelled as one.
home owners
was overtaken
by that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renters
and hit the nadir, down to under 40% in 2014 whilst the number of British adults renting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
rose
quickly
and reached the highest point of
nearly
a half.
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IELTS academic The chart below gives information about how people aged 25-34 are housed in the UK.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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