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the changes of museum floor from 1998 to 2008

the changes of museum floor from 1998 to 2008 B7Y8w
The map illustrate the information about changes in the layout of museum after its redecoration over the decade between 1998 and 2008. Overall, the museum was designed to diversify functions to provide more and more services for customer. In 1998, the architect of museum floor was so simple. The garden, which was located in the center besides the café above and ticket entrance below, was in between two same-size permanent rooms. The temporary room was in the west of the entrance while the east placement were shop, WC and coat. After the refurbishment in 2008, the permanent room in the east remained unchanged but original place for shop, WC and coat was replanned into small permanent room. In addition, washroom was shifted to the north, occupying half space of the original café, with outdoor café was built in the garden. Also several fountains was added in the garden facing the entrance. The west area of the former museum clued two parts but in the period 2008, it was divided to five areas: restaurant in the north, permanent room, shop and coat was in the south.
The map
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "illustrates".
illustrate
the information about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the layout of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
after its redecoration over the decade between 1998 and 2008.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
was designed
to diversify functions to provide more and more services for customer.

In 1998, the architect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
floor was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
simple. The garden, which
was located
in the center
besides
the café above and ticket entrance below, was in between two same-size
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
. The temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
was in the west of the entrance while the east placement
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
shop, WC and coat.

After the refurbishment in 2008, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in the east remained unchanged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
original place for shop, WC and coat
was replanned
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
.
In addition
, washroom
was shifted
to the north, occupying half space of the original café, with outdoor café
was built
in the garden.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
several fountains was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the garden facing the entrance. The west area of the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
clued two parts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the period 2008, it
was divided
to five areas: restaurant in the north,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
, shop and coat was in the south.
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IELTS academic the changes of museum floor from 1998 to 2008

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
185 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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