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The Changes in Exports in HK Billions Between 2009 and 2010

The Changes in Exports in HK Billions Between 2009 and 2010 mLkDN
the table compares and contrasts data on the changes in exports of five items in H. K. over a 2 year period from 2009 to 2010. In General, the number of exports of all items increased with notable exception of manufacturing which experienced dramatic fall over the same period. As can be observed in table, in 2010 Metals surged at 122 %, gaining 5. 1 billion HK dollars from 2. 3 billion in 2009. Furthermore, same pattern was followed by telecommunication with a sharp rise of 61% to 12. 7 billion leading the exported items in 2010, while equipment marginally increased by 13% at 11. 6 billion dollars. Similarly, manufacturing and clothing experienced downfall in exports with a drop from 5. 5 billion to 4 billion and 6 billion to 5 billion respectively making them only two items experiencing negative growth by 2010.
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the
table compares and contrasts data on the
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changes
in exports of five
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items
in H. K. over a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "2-year"
2 year
period from 2009 to 2010.

In General
, the number of exports of all
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items
increased with notable
The usual collocation for "exception" in this context is "to" not "of". Did you mean "exception to"?
exception of
manufacturing which experienced dramatic fall over the same period.

As can
be observed
in table, in 2010 Metals surged at 122 %, gaining 5. 1
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billion
HK dollars from 2. 3
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billion
in 2009.
Furthermore
, same pattern
was followed
by telecommunication with a sharp rise of 61% to 12. 7
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billion
leading the exported
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items
in 2010, while equipment
marginally
increased by 13% at 11. 6
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billion
dollars.

Similarly
, manufacturing and clothing experienced downfall in exports with a drop from 5. 5
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billion
to 4
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billion
and 6
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billion
to 5
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billion
respectively
making them
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only
two
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items
experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
growth by 2010.
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IELTS academic The Changes in Exports in HK Billions Between 2009 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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