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The below line diagram shows the number of visitors to various museum between the years 1980 to 2015.

The below line diagram shows the number of visitors to various museum between the years 1980 to 2015. 8Xlm
The below line diagram shows the number of visitors to various museum between the years 1980 to 2015. Considering the four museums, the Louvre is popular over the entire period leaving the London science museum and Shenzhen museum to least popularity. The Shenzhen museum fluctuated in between. The visitors for Louvre museum in 1980 is just below 8 millions and increased at considerable rate and reached between 9 million in 1995. After 1995, the visitors decreased and it continued for 5 years. After this the fame of this museum regained and stand top being visited by about 10 million when compared to other museum. The least visited is Shenzhen museum at just below the 4 million and it further decreased unto 3 million up to 2000. After the year 2000 rate of visitors were increased to some extent and it returned back to its own 1980 statistics. The visitors of rest two museums were fluctuated between the Louvre and Shenzhen. The Vatican museum is not so popular in the year 1980 visited by just a little over 4 million but it gained visitors at huge rate and in the year 2015 it came near the Louvre just a little below the 4 million visitors. The visitors of London science museum are flat from the year 1980 to 1985 but the fame decreased and followed the same path as Shenzhen museum up to 2000. After that, the visitors increased to some extent and in the year 2015 its visitors were just below the 4 million
The
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below
line diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of
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visitors
to various
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museum
between the years 1980 to 2015.

Considering the four
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museums
, the Louvre is popular over the entire period leaving the London science
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museum
and Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
popularity. The Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
fluctuated in between.

The
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visitors
for Louvre
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museum
in 1980 is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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below
8
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millions
and increased at considerable rate and reached between 9
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million
in 1995. After 1995, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
decreased and it continued for 5 years. After this the fame of this
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museum
regained and stand top
being visited
by about 10
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million
when compared to other
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museum
. The least visited is Shenzhen
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museum
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
below
the 4
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million
and it
further
decreased unto 3
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million
up to 2000. After the
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year
2000 rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
were increased
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and it
Consider using "returned".
returned back
to its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
1980 statistics.

The
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visitors
of rest two
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museums
were fluctuated
between the Louvre and Shenzhen. The Vatican
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museum
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular in the
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year
1980 visited by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it gained
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visitors
at huge rate and in the
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year
2015 it came near the Louvre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
below
the 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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visitors
of London science
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museum
are flat from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1980 to 1985
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the fame decreased and followed the same path as Shenzhen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
up to 2000. After that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
increased to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2015 its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
below
the 4
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
million
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IELTS academic The below line diagram shows the number of visitors to various museum between the years 1980 to 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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