Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar graph shows the number of employed person by job and sex in Australia in 2003

The bar graph shows the number of employed person by job and sex in Australia in 2003 M3m3p
The bar graph illustrates the numbers of males and females employed in different types of jobs in Australia in the year 2003. It is clearly seen that the number of people employed in different types of jobs varies significantly between the two genders. It can be seen from the chart that the highest number of Australian women, about 950000 of them, worked in the office compared to less than 900000 of men. Ranked second in popularity among female employees were professionals with 700000 of them, while the figure for their male counterparts was 650000. Meanwhile, the most popular job among men was tradesperson with 900000 workers, but it was also the least favored by women with their number 9 times lower than men. Less strikingly, men outnumbered women by five to one in production and three to one in management. The two remaining occupations namely semi professionals and labourers saw (little) a minor difference between two genders, with 60% of (them were) the males and 40% of the females working in these fields. Overall, men outnumbered women in most job types, with the exception of professionals and clerical workers.
The bar graph illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of males and females employed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in Australia in the year 2003. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
varies
significantly
between the two genders.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, about 950000 of them, worked in the office compared to less than 900000 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Ranked second in popularity among female employees were professionals with 700000 of them, while the figure for their male counterparts was 650000.

Meanwhile, the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
tradesperson
with 900000 workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
also
the least favored by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
9 times lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Less
strikingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
outnumbered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
by five to one in production and three to one in management. The two remaining occupations
namely
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
semi professionals
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
(
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
) a minor difference between two genders, with 60% of (them were) the males and 40% of the females working in these fields.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
outnumbered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
types,
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
professionals and clerical workers.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the number of employed person by job and sex in Australia in 2003

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The bar graph shows the number of employed person by job and sex in Australia in 2003